Master Butt Cleanse!

I'm on Day 4 of the Master Cleanse. If you don't know, the Master Cleanse is a type of fasting where you take laxatives several times a day as well as a fresh squeezed lemon juice, organic maple syrup, and red cayenne pepper concoction whenever hungry. It is supposed to clean you out. The main reason I am doing it is because I am trying to avert depression.

You see, I am in North Carolina right now. I had to stay here by myself over Easter weekend. My little boy Roman keeps asking for me or saying, "Daddy's gone." I feel like breaking into Man Tears anytime I talk to Daniela. (Man Tears are a form of crying while apologizing for crying while snot streams from your nose.) So, instead of falling into a depression-fueled eating frenzy, (chocolate cake loves me no matter what is happening) I decided to control myself by punishing myself. With starvation.

It's not too bad really. The Lemon-Maple-Cayenne Pepper drink was like the piss of Satan after an asparagus eating contest, but I barely taste it anymore. I guess I feel good, just kind of hungry... for weird things. For instance, I would love some cooked cabbage in chicken broth. Oh yeah, I would cover my body in that delicious cooked cabbage. That bad, naughty, translucent vegetable. I would sit in a bathtub of cooked cabbage and dive underneath with my mouth wide open. I would call it Me-so cabbage soup!

I don't really recommend the fast, unless you are trying to ward off depression. If you do want to try it though, let me know and I'll get you the info. Oh, one thing- If you do try it, DON'T EVER PASS GAS! You think it's just a little fart, but it comes out a Shart. A bright orange shart! This has happened three times to me so far. It was once per day until I finally figured it out yesterday... actually it was this morning when I woke up. This cleanse does such disgusting things to your bod!