Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Red Like Me


I am a redhead.

Wow, it feels good to be able to say that. I am red and proud! Redheads have had a bad rap in popular culture for the past few decades. We are called gingers, carrot top, daywalker, fire crotch, and other despicable names. In fact, being a redhead in the 80's was much like being an albino in medieval times. We were both ostracized and labeled as demons. Except Albinos really are demons. Snow demons.

It hasn’t always been this way. In fact, many of the most powerful and influential people of ancient times were redheads. So, here is my list of redheads who have shaped your world!

1. Jesus. It looks like red hair to me in all the good paintings. Other depictions, which lack the red hair are not authorized by the NAARP. (National Association for the Advancement of Redheaded People)
2. Adam. Yes, the Adam. The father of mankind. The name for Adam in Hebrew is also identical to the word for ruddy or red. What a great way to start the world!
3. The Prophet Mohammed. Oh yeah, nonbeliever! In the Koran it says that Mohammed dyed his hair with henna in order to get a nice red color. Fashion for the faithful.
4. King David. In descriptions of the ancient king, he is said to be "admoni" which means ruddy or redheaded. I think Goliath was probably redheaded too. That’s where all that anger came from.
5. Mary Magdalene. She is often depicted as having red hair. She is a “Disciple of Good Taste” in my estimation.
6. Achilles. Yeah, of Homer's Iliad. He is described as being redheaded. Awesome warrior with only one weakness. Sounds like most redheads I know. Our only weakness is the Sun.
7. Thor. The Viking God of Thunder was often depicted as having red hair. His lightning bolts strike you with style. Eric the Red was so in vogue.
8. Ramses the Great. He is often regarded as the most powerful of all the pharaohs. He ruled for 66 years of pure Egyptian awesomeness. He is also described as being redheaded. Once you go red, your enemies go dead!

These revelations maybe hard for some of you to digest. If you question it, go ahead and check it out on Wikipedia. The Internet never lies. Oh, and just so you know, I AM NOT IRISH!

9 comments:

Kris10 said...

WOW...seriously, wow!

Unknown said...

That whole Karma issue may need more exploring if any Jews, Muslims, Irish descendants, blondes, brunettes, Mexicans, Greeks (ancient or modern), Vikings, Egyptians, or prophets read this post. I think you may have failed to offend somebody somewhere- redheads excluded- although I am not really sure how.
Good luck with the red itchy Karma now.
BTW, it truly was hilarious.

Melanee Raynes said...

You forgot a famous redheaded president...was there one? Research it for me.

Raynmaker said...

Yes! JFK had reddish brown hair. Those in the know call it auburn. Also, Martin Van Buren, the first president to actually be born in America had bright red hair. His nickname was the RED Fox of Kinderhook.

Stefanie Raynes said...

AWESOME!! You.Smart.With.Lots.Of.Time.On.Your.Hands

Mom said...

Actually, you are Irish. Your Great,great, great, great Grandfather was born in Northern Ireland and moved to the United States. So you are Irish, English, Norwegian, Danish, French, etc, etc. Love, Mom

Marshall and Alison said...

I love how Mom puts you in your place and then says... Love, Mom

You are a genius Jon. Enough said. Don't let it go to your head. :)

Anonymous said...

I would like to invite you over to my place at:
http://redhead.blogtownhall.com/?tag=Redheads

This is where redheads can be redheads! The Crimson Apex Solidarity Horde is calling!

J* said...

Hate to break it to you, but Time Magazine predicts there will be no more red heads being born by the year 2050. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...