Red Itchy Karma

It is now the second time in two days that I have had an embarrassing and public outbreak of hives. I think it might be the new type of body soap I recently decided to give a try. That or Ebola. Most likely, it's Karma. Here is my list of things I have done recently, which are punishable by hives.

1. I've eaten McDonalds three times this week. Mainly because of their cheeseburgers and chocolate chip cookies. They are fabulous! I love em! This sounds like the early stages of obesity. I will now give them both up as penitence.
2. I cursed...in front of my son Roman. I said, "There is $#!% everywhere!" You see, he had taken his diaper off and there was runny poop all over the tile and on the counter. I overreacted; it's nothing a little bleach and elbow grease couldn't fix. I will take Roman to the park for penitence.
3. I remind myself of Michael Scott from the The Office. Just in general. Most of the time. For penitence, I will...I will... Firm up my resolve. That’s what she said.

Remember, Karma is real. Karma is bigger than you. Karma hates redheads with sensitive skin. So, do something nice right away!

Best Word Ever!

The best word in the english language has finally been decided. It was chosen for it's connotation, denotation, and funotation. The best word has many uses, but it is still simple and luckily not yet a cliche. No, it is not the word "Poop" although "Poopy" ran a close 4th. It is actually derived from a classy word that the Brits would use to celebrate a scrupmtious meal of tea and crumpets. It is derived from the word "Hurrah," but we Yanks made it cooler... as we always do. The best english word ever is:

Hooray!

What fun and joy we feel when using this word. It is excitement, exhiliration and triumph all in one little bouncy, playful word. So celebrate the Best English Word Ever, say "Hooray" today!

You might be interested in the fact that the Best German Word Ever is "Rechtsbehelfsbelehrung." It is a legal disclamer placed on written decisions made by government officials. The actual meaning is boring, but the word is just great. Try it, it's oh so fun to say! Hooray!

Thank You Mom & Dad

I cannot adequately express how grateful I am for you both. Daniela and I have needed so much help in our lives. We have needed so much help recently. I am amazed and humbled by how willing you have been to help us. You have taken care of Roman when we were at the hospital getting life saving blood transfusions for Marcus. You took care of Roman when Daniela was on bed rest and I had to work. You gave us an apartment when it became extremely difficult to travel an hour each way to the hospital 3-4 times a week. You allowed Daniela to move in when it became necessary because of Marcus's health. You get Roman in the morning when I have to leave for work early and Daniela is unable to be there. You always look excited to see Daniela, Roman, Marcus and I, even though we have taken so much of you.

Thank you Mom & Dad. In so many ways, the life I love and live would not be possible without you and your great sacrifices.

Little Littles!

Here is a video of Daniela and Marcus soon after his birth. The narrator is Celine Morton, the awesomest doula ever!

Mucho Marcus!

This is an optical illusion, there are 4 people in this picture.

I downloaded a few more pictures of Marcus. I hope you like 'em. The current status of Marcus is good. He is on oxygen, but very little. He is also on a portable monitor just to be sure he is okay. He does not have anything wrong with him, we are just being careful. This is due to the wonderful protectiveness of the UVRMC staff. They are so amazing at keeping this little guy healthy and we are so grateful for their caring, loving manner with Marcus. They treat him like he will someday find the cure for cancer... or like that baby in Willow. They are the best in the world!

Marcus Raynes!

His name is Marcus Joseph Gordon Raynes! He looks so much like Roman. The main difference is his hair color. Marcus has beautiful black hair. Roman & Marcus are so much alike, Roman was 19" long, Marcus is 18.5" long. They were even born with the exact same weight: 6lbs 5 oz.

Marcus is currently in the NICU, but he is doing better then they thought he would. He will hopefully be out in a few days. They are just watching him to make sure that nothing goes wrong. Just being cautious.

Daniela is doing so well. She was such a champ during the whole pregnancy and the delivery was no different. I still cannot believe the pain and trauma Daniela goes through for our little guy. I love her so much for it.

Thank you for all your prayers, it has truly made all of this possible.

Love, Regardless

Roman was near death when he was born. If he did survive, we were told that he would probably have some degree of mental retardation. My little guy was so close to death that for several days he could not move on his own at all. He looked dead. We were instructed by the doctors not to pick him up and hold him. Even this little act took too much of his strength away. I would stare at him while he was in the NICU afraid to do anything but watch.

I walked into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit the day after his traumatic birth to find my Mother at his side. She was cradling her mothering arms and hands around Roman's sides careful to avoid all the life sustaining wires and tubes. She knew she could not hold him, so she would touch him to let him know that he was loved. She would do this for hours every day; just hold her arms around his frail little body giving him the much needed warmth of a loving grandmother's touch.

Roman is very healthy and happy now. He knows how much his family loves him. I am so grateful for a Mother who would find a way to show Roman he is loved, regardless of the constraints. I cannot even count the the times and ways in which Mom has shown me she loves me, regardless of the constraints. I love you too, Mom.

Redheads Feel More Pain!

Before you begin to think I am some sort of pansy, you need to remember that redheads feel more pain. Scientifical Factical. I even asked my doctor if it was true. He said that he had heard that before and agreed. However, he might have just been trying to be nice to me... he was at the time cutting out a section of my left vas deferen. I'll take it though. I'm not too proud.

What does a Vasectomy feel like? Well, it's odd really. Apparently there is a nerve that runs along the Vas deferens and all the way up my stomach. So, I feel a lot of the pain in my stomach. Kind of weird. How are my balls you ask? They are sore but not too bad really. Thank you for asking.

Bono and The Edge. They used to be named Rocky and Rambo. With the new change, I thought it would be approp to change their names. I've chosen these names because the old boys won't be quote as virile, but they will still play sweet, sweet music. Their best and most productive music may have been earlier in their career but fans (really one fan) don't mind hearing it over and over again anyway.

snip snip

Daniela and I are done having our own biological kids. We'll buy the next pair. However, it is very easy for Daniela and I to get pregnant. This creates a problem. What to do? Well, I fall back on an old axiom, "When in doubt, cut them out." That's right. I am going to get a vasectomy. Monday, February 18th at 12:15 pm. But, I don't sweat it. Here's my list of why livin' sterile is totally in:

1. My wife owes me. For life.
   
2. Irreversible? Sounds like a challenge!
3. People will treat me like an albino. Weird and medically challenged.
   
4. People will talk about me:
• "Did you hear about Jon?"
• "No, What?"
• "He got a vasectomy. Totally lost his ballness."
• "Gross! haha...gross."
5. Only 1 out of 10 men lose their sex drive. It's like Russian Rullet but with a body part.
6. I can make fun of myself in so many more ways. (Talking about how awesome I am all the time is getting old. Even for me.)
7. I can finally hang a pair of those fake rubber balls on the tow hitch of my Scion. And no one can say anything about them. The conversation would be far too uncomfortable... for them: "No really Jon, I don't need to see the scar."
   
8. Once I found an abandoned 35mm disposable camera. I grabbed it and took a picture of my balls. I thought it was funny. Later, I found out it was my Aunt's camera. I'm chalking this one up to karma.
9. If there were anymore Raynes running around, this country would be renamed Raynmerica. Because we Reign! If you don't like it find a new country. Like Crapistan.
   
10. To explain this to my young son Roman, I will need to speak like a pirate. It helps him remember. It goes like, "They've taken the gunpowder out o' me nether-regions, AAARRRRGGGGGG!"
    

Best Season Ever!

I love Autumn. I love the leaves. I love the crispness in the air. I love the chill in the morning and evening and the warmth in the day. I love wearing a sweater and feeling toasty and cozy all day. I love the day when you begin using the fireplace again. I love the anticipation of the Autumn holidays like Halloween, the deer hunt, and Thanksgiving. It's truly a 3 month long pre-Christmas party. It's the multicolored love child of Summer and Winter that turned out oh so Tiger Woods.

That is why I am naming Autumn "God's Best Season Ever."

Enjoy the title, Autumn. We miss you!

Melanee Pearl Braynes!

Happy Birthday Mel! We love you so much!

These are the top 10 things I love about you:
10. You have enviable hair. I wish I had awesome hair like yours.
9. The things you own last forever. You take such good care of the things you own. Like when I used to "borrow" your Asics. They were always in pristine condition.
8. You pick your battles like Warren Buffett picks stocks.
7. You are right most of the time.
6. You are humble all of the time.
5. I still think you could beat me up. You would use braynes over brawn... even though it is wicked awesome brawn.
4. You know everything. If you don't, you figure it out.
3. My son screams your name in delight anytime he sees you.
2. You care too much about people.
1. You remind me of Mom.

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

People know me. I have been known as Jon, Jonny, Jonathan, Big Red, JJ, JJ the JetPlane, JR, Killa, Thrilla, and J-Ray. You can call me Sir.