Daniela and I are done having our own biological kids. We'll buy the next pair. However, it is very easy for Daniela and I to get pregnant. This creates a problem. What to do? Well, I fall back on an old axiom, "When in doubt, cut them out." That's right. I am going to get a vasectomy. Monday, February 18th at 12:15 pm. But, I don't sweat it. Here's my list of why livin' sterile is totally in:
- My wife owes me. For life.
- Irreversible? Sounds like a challenge!
- People will treat me like an albino. Weird and medically challenged.
- People will talk about me:
- "Did you hear about Jon?"
- "No, What?"
- "He got a vasectomy. Totally lost his ballness."
- "Gross! haha...gross."
- Only 1 out of 10 men lose their sex drive. It's like Russian Rullet but with a body part.
- I can make fun of myself in so many more ways. (Talking about how awesome I am all the time is getting old. Even for me.)
- I can finally hang a pair of those fake rubber balls on the tow hitch of my Scion. And no one can say anything about them. The conversation would be far too uncomfortable... for them: "No really Jon, I don't need to see the scar."
- Once I found an abandoned 35mm disposable camera. I grabbed it and took a picture of my balls. I thought it was funny. Later, I found out it was my Aunt's camera. I'm chalking this one up to karma.
- If there were anymore Raynes running around, this country would be renamed Raynmerica. Because we Reign! If you don't like it find a new country. Like Crapistan.
- To explain this to my young son Roman, I will need to speak like a pirate. It helps him remember. It goes like, "They've taken the gunpowder out o' me nether-regions, AAARRRRGGGGGG!"
11 comments:
I have NEVER laughed as long or as hard at any other post, EVER! That is hilarious. Really. We should send it to some like blogging competition or the New York Times. In fact you are getting "after chuckle" That is where you think about a line, later when you are doing something else, and you chuckle out loud. Favorites: Crapistan, Russian Roulette, Don't need to see the scar, and the top honors go to the Pirate explanation. So funny. Thanks.
So freaking awesome! I'm so glad you're now a blahgger, keep them coming!
HILARIOUS! I am so glad you became a blogger so I can partake in conversations about your balls. My life is now complete.
Oh, and I want to add that I think it's admirable you are doing that. Otherwise you'd be forcing your wife to be on hormones for the rest of her life. Good work for a good husband.
I shouldn't be reading this, but I did ... Mel made me. And I did laugh. Let's just never speak of your lesser manhood again.
Thanks guys! Dainon, I can't promise that!
Jon....Who's sterile NOW!
David...BEST COMEBACK EVER! I almost cried it was so good.
Thanks, I never write anything unless I come up with something really witty.
or offensive
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that's all I really have to say. Nothing witty here...I need to take a page out of Dave's book.
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